Clarity
When you avoid something you’re meant to do, life loses clarity.
James, Scott Andrew. “Presence in Purpose”. Magnolia Journal winter 2022. Issue no. 25, p.107
Clarity and Purpose seem to be the driving force behind feeling and being successful, in my opinion. The last few months I have found myself searching for both clarity and purpose in a few areas of my personal life. Mostly I come up with a blank, a black hole. Like my brain just doesn’t compute what I’m trying to figure out. I really hate moments like that. I know I’m an intelligent woman, but darn, clueless moments leave me feeling like a bumbling idiot.
My Pastor has hit on some areas of my life that are in need of some fine tuning, here lately, with a few of his Sunday sermons. The kind of sermon that makes me squirm on the inside knowing full well that particular message was meant to be heard by me. I appreciate and love my Pastor. He is the kind of man that works at teaching straight from the Bible and keeping it real. He knows life like the rest of us and has such a heart for people and reaching them where they are. Both he and his wife are the kind of people that give you real life answers when you sit down with them for discussion or counsel and then follow up with scripture for a basis.
A combination of some high stressors in my current office position away from home and extended family within the last few months has caused me to contemplate a bit more on my personal purpose in life. At my age, I figure most people have that all figured out by now. And then here I am lagging behind a few decades still. But like I always tell myself, “I might be slow, but I eventually get there”.
About 16 years ago I decided I wanted to write a book on my journey through life, the obstacles I’ve worked hard to overcome, the struggles, the trials, the joys, the overwhelming moments when I did not want to go on, the abundance of goodness and excitements I wish I had more people to share with, the answers to prayer cried out in the nights. I was working slowly at hand writing my thoughts out like a journal to capture the pivotal moments of my life that I could remember. I went back to college to finish a degree I started and never finished. Then I allowed one question from an outside person, I felt should have been supportive,to bring all that to a screeching halt as it reminded me of how fallible the whole idea could be.
I allowed fear and doubt to rush in and kill my desire to help others. I lost my drive, I lost my clarity and purpose.
As much as I hate stress and being uncomfortable, I’m glad these encounters have occured over the course of the last 3-4 months, more so like the last year. The drive, the clarity, the purpose has slowly ignited and began to push back against the fear and doubt. Starting my own website and business had added a fuel to the ignition showing me I can do it.
I’ve been called to do what I’m meant to do. I love to cook, I love to teach, I love to reach out and share and help others. I’m finding this woman again and it feels good. Like Scott Andrew James said in his writing, “When you avoid something you’re meant to do, life loses clarity”. I lost my clarity because I avoided doing what I was meant to do. I’m meant for a greater purpose than just living day to day and feeling like I only exist. I’m meant to be the person of purpose that God has called me to be.